Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
