He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
