just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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