Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
