You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
