This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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