well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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