mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
