Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
