peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
