and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Acid is not a monday night drug
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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