my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
