I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
