I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
