you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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