Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
