just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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