There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
