I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize