I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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