ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
