some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
