Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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