he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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