getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
