Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
