Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize