I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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