Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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