I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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