i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
