Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
