what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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