Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
