It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Come see our sink grown plant.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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