first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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