What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
