you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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