Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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