Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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