Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
