Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
