Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
