Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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