I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
