After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
