how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
