just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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