We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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