we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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