You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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