o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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