how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
