I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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