I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
