dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will be naked everywhere
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
