I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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