before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
