Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my fart just growled at me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
