If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
