Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
