im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
