the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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