i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
