I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
