She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
God gave him joint rollers for hands
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize